"I Am Bound: A Journey of Pain and Liberation"

In moments of my life, I have felt like a weak person in this world. I felt that I lacked the power to change, the courage to face the truth, and the strength to free myself from the chains I had placed on my mind. The thought of death always hovered in the back of my mind, as if escaping this pain was the only way out, even when I lived in a world of myths and superstitions.

But today, after years of living in darkness, I am starting to shed light on those dark corners of my life. I am seeking answers to questions I’ve long avoided—questions about life, existence, God, and myself.

Anger at Myself

Today, I feel anger—but not towards the world around me, rather at myself. I blame myself for allowing myself to be exploited, for believing, for fearing to think. I had been living in a prison I built for myself, convincing my mind to accept what was imposed upon it, even if it contradicted logic and reason.

But this anger is what made me realize the extent of the chains I had been living in. It is what woke me from a long slumber and forced me to confront the truths I had been running from.

Pain as a Catalyst for Liberation

Now, I shed tears—not just out of sadness for the past, but out of frustration at the self I had bound for years. I feel as though I am living an internal battle between the mind and the heart, between the desire for freedom and the fear of the unknown.

But these tears are not the end of the journey. They are the beginning of a deeper understanding of myself. Perhaps the pain I feel now is the driving force that will make me stand on my feet again and begin a life based on my convictions, not on what is imposed upon me.

Talking About God in the Heart of Suffering

"Who answers the one in distress when he calls upon Him, and removes the evil, and makes you inheritors of the earth? Is there any god with Allah? Little do you remember."
"And when harm touches you on the sea, those you call upon besides Him leave you, except Him."
"Then when harm touches you, to Him you cry for help."

These verses, which are often read and heard in mosques or in our homes, indicate that God is the answer and the savior in times of hardship, the one who answers the calls of the desperate and removes suffering. We are supposed to find peace in these verses and believe that if we turn to Him in our distress, He will answer us.

But there is a persistent question that arises in my mind: If these verses point to God's ability to answer when called, why do we still see a world filled with suffering and famine, where millions of people are hungry and poor, including in Muslim countries? Why does God not answer the cries of the needy? Why are those voices silenced, and hopes shattered?

The Contradiction Between Reality and Faith

In times of distress, we turn to prayer, raise our hands to the sky, seek God’s help and call upon Him. But sometimes, it seems that the answers are completely absent. Isn't it illogical for a person to call upon this great God who is said to answer the desperate, yet receives no response in times of hardship? How can this align with the verses that speak of God's response to His servant in their time of need?

This contradiction raises many questions within me for which I find no clear answers. Is the problem with us, the humans? Is it that we don't deserve God's response? Or is there a deeper meaning I fail to grasp?

Between Faith and Doubt

I used to pray and call upon God, believing that He would respond in the moment I needed Him most. But years passed, and I witnessed famines in Africa, destruction in our Arab countries, and crushing crises everywhere. How can a person live in a world full of injustice and suffering and still believe that God answers prayers? How can I continue to believe that God helps the desperate when I see people dying of hunger, disease, and poverty?

I always asked myself: If God has given us the ability to think and reason, why are we forced to accept things we don’t understand? Why this deep silence from God towards the millions suffering across the Earth? How can one continue to believe in such a situation that challenges everything one knows about God and life?

The Unavoidable Questions

My faith has shaken repeatedly over the years. I have wondered: Does God truly respond? Or do we only imagine the response in times of relief, while in times of hardship, we hear nothing but silence? And if God doesn’t answer the desperate prayers in many cases, how can we interpret the verses that speak of His responses?

Then there is an even more painful question: Why doesn’t God respond, if He is the truth and absolute good? Why does the answer delay? Does this delay mean that God is testing us, or that He does not care?

The Dark Reality and Little Hope

In a world full of darkness, where poverty, hunger, and destruction prevail, I find myself bound by questions that clash with my faith. This inner conflict between what I believe and what I see in terms of suffering troubles me. How can I accept being called to worship God and witness His silence regarding the injustice that spreads across the world?

But perhaps the answer lies in a deeper understanding of life and the human experience itself. The answers to these questions may not be clear, and I may never fully understand God's wisdom in all matters, but I do realize one thing: pain does not reflect God's absence, but perhaps it is part of a long human test, one that holds opportunities for growth and transformation. There may be no immediate answers, and we may live for years in pain, but perhaps silence is also part of the answer.

Conclusion: A Continuing Journey

The journey I live now is filled with questions and pain, yet it is also filled with opportunities for liberation and change. It is not easy to confront our deepest questions about faith, especially in the midst of ongoing suffering. But perhaps the only answer I have is that I cannot stop searching, questioning, and trying.

The answer may not come now, and some questions may remain unanswered. But I believe this journey is what makes me human, and that despite the pain and confusion, I will continue to search for the light amidst the darkness.

This article is not the end, but rather the beginning of a journey toward truth. And you, have you ever thought about your own chains? And are you brave enough to break them?

Thought Spark